Change of Heart

I do believe I've had another epiphany or revelation or whatever you normal people call it. Last night went exactly as expected but I didn't think I'd feel this way when it was over. After hearing about the problems one of my friends went through, her depression and how her father died, and then what happened last night, I've decided to become a genuinely better person. I don't know how it's going to happen but I suppose it can. I suppose I can start by doing less bad and more good. Anyways, on to the meat of the story.

Last night, Ryan G. was drunk and I knew it before I even texted him. One thing led to another and, oh, there I am in his room. He let it be known, before we even got back to his place, that he wasn't wearing underwear. He also conveniently happen to mention that he broke up with his boyfriend some time ago. So all of this time he didn't have a boyfriend... We got back and started watching TV and getting closer to each other. He would rub his hand on my arm or scratch my back. Then, of course, we started making out and slowly shedding the clothes. The TV is still on. I don't know about you but no matter what I'm doing, if that TV is on I'm going to watch/listen to it. We'd be making out, something funny would be said so I'd laugh. He insisted on keeping the TV on. So, finally I told him, "I'm not getting naked until the TV goes off." It's not like I'm uncomfortable with my body -- the full moon was seemingly emitting more light than the TV. The TV was just annoying.

We were rolling around on his futon, switching who was on top and who was on bottom. One of the times when I was on bottom, he went down on me. Let me tell ya, having someone else do it for you is so much more pleasurable than doing it yourself. I don't know why but I just won't go down on people. I've heard it really isn't that bad but I just can't bring myself to do it. So we finished without actually 'finishing' if you know what I mean and we just started to cuddle with me being the big spoon. Naked cuddling couldn't possibly lead to good things. Some pelvic thrusting began and next thing you know it was in. We. Were. Doing. It. It was very weird at first. Not at all what I was expecting. I was expecting some instant pleasure and not so much of some weird pressure. I didn't even realize it was in at first. But the whole time I couldn't help but think, "I think we're doing it. Are we doing it? It might be in. I think it's in! What are we doing?" We switched positions and things got a little better. Had we some lube I'm sure it would have been absolutely amazing! But the pleasure mixed with chaffing just didn't feel too nice. He then all of a sudden felt really bad so we stopped much to my dismay. It's fine though. We talked and I found out some very interesting information.

1. He thinks I'm a good kisser which is a major yay. It must be true because he's not the first who has told me. 2. It's not very attractive to discuss my list of boys I've been with. Surprisingly many people think I'm some innocent boy who is inexperienced and they find that more attractive. 3. Apparently all of Russell knew about my blog, at least the gays anyways. This is the reason it is now private and if you're reading it now it means I like you very very much and that you weren't lazy enough to blow off signing into Google. I might have learned more but I really don't remember so therefore I can't possibly care.